I can’t win.
No matter what I do, it’s never enough.
There’s always something;
I always come up short
I want to hide from life,
Burrow deeper in the recesses of my mind.
It’s my safe place.
The place where I can detach and watch from a distance.
The hope, always, always, is to gain clarity.
But it’s been a while now, and the view is still not clear.
It’s like troubled waters, muddled, spitting dirt, grime, and confusion.
It’s a lost cause!
But somehow, I still cannot let go.
And I do not know why.
This thing I’m holding on to, is it hope?
This thing that tells me to go one more step,
Live one more day,
Give it another try.
I have no reasons to believe for better days.
As far as the eyes can see, it’s boisterous sea, merciless, bent on exacting a convoluted kind of destiny.
I will sink if I stop going.
There is a beacon guiding me.
It is both far away and close to me.
If I keep my eyes on it, it is near.
If I look at the raging storm, it is far.
There is a lighthouse.
I cannot lose sight of it.
Otherwise, I will be lost.
So I keep going, even though the wind is contrary,
Eyes on the light.
Because, if I sink, where would I go?